free hosting   image hosting   hosting reseller   online album   e-shop   famous people 
Free Website Templates
Free Installer
idea.yoll.net

Juryrigged // CRIMSON VOID CLICHES LIST 02

  1. Put on you robe and wizard hat
  2. If not a robe, then a magical thong.
  3. It's only a kamehameha if you call it that. So long as it has a spiffy new name, it's perfectly original, no matter if it is just a big energy blast.
  4. When applying rule 3, name your kame...er...wonderfully original new magical attack...anything that sound sufficiently ominous. References to death and/or your character's own soul as the power source work especially well here.
  5. When using magic, reference Robert Jordan's work for inspiration.
  6. Use of Materia is highly suggested.
  7. If you do not have access to Robert Jordan's stuff, simply envision a 516th level wizard in D&D.
  8. ELminster is a GREAT source for rule 7.
  9. Forget any form of gestures, chanting, or invocations. Your magical power that is capable of exploding the sun and shattering the entire planet upon which you're doing battle can be simply cast with an instant's thought. Because it's THAT badass.
  10. If not a thought, then a twich of the nose. No one would ever expect that!
  11. No other power other than rule 9's is really worth invoking.
  12. With great magical powers come great responsibility, but responsibility isn't badass, so drop it fast.
  13. Repetition is key. If your world-shattering instant's-thought nose-twitching renamed kamehameha energy blast didn't kill your enemy the first time, it's because they cheezed. Keep on using it in post after post just to really point out this fact and make your opponent's cheezing ways glaringly obvious.
  14. If you do have to chant, make it as long-winded as possible, with lots of screaming that makes you sound constipated, because it's badass
  15. Remember, kids, you have MAGIC. Just forget about any other sort of ridiculous background-type stuff like how your character earns their lunch money every day, or anything like that. You have MAGIC, you don't need anything else at all, and you never have! Needing anything else is less badass.
  16. Harry Potter is badass.
  17. All powerful magicians are also expert swordsmen. Really, I mean it. I mean, even the black mage in FF1 could use the Masmune, and if you're badass, that's what you're packing.
  18. If you do carry a weapon, it must be a magically endowed katana that can weild all elements. And the katana must talk to you.
  19. Teleport. A lot. In battle. Nothing is more badass than "flickering" right through your opponent's attacks.
  20. While flying effortlessly.
  21. If you can't fly or teleport, then dive into peoples chests Matrix-style and blow them apart. It's badass.
  22. Disregard the first part of rule 21. Not flying or teleporting in battle isn't badass.
  23. Teleport the other guy around. A lot.
  24. Psionics is badass. Always use your mind to throw stuff at the enemy. It's badass.
  25. If you skimmed rule 9, always remember that your opponent is obliged to stand around and wait for the fiftenn minutes of chanting, grunting, and general charging-up activities of your ultimate badass ninja-stomping world-crushing magical attack of doom.
  26. It's actually thirty minutes, with the possibility of being longer if you extend the grunting, chanting, screaming and charging up over several episodes...I mean posts.
  27. But really, it all takes place in 5 seconds. Really. Watch the show.
  28. We mean post...
  29. Always miraculously dodging your elemental weakness is not cheezing, it's just good tactics.
  30. Screaming the name of your attacks prior to doing them makes them more powerful.
  31. In reference to Rule 29, you don't have elemental weaknesses. Weaknesses aren't badass.
  32. Bonus points if your attack's name incorporates at least one word from any foreign language.
  33. Triple bonus points if that language is Japanese or Latin.
  34. All magical attacks cause the sky to gray over, lightning to strike, and your hair to magically turn blonde and extend an extra two feet and defy gravity without the use of styling gel.
  35. If your opponent has demonstrated an ability to absorb or ignore any form of attack at your command, keep using it. They can't keep that up forever, you know. Even fire elementals can burn!
  36. Your magic, on the other hand, absorbs everything. Absorbing is badass.
  37. Your magic should also be able to destroy the universe instantly if unleashed. If it can't, then you aren't badass.
  38. You'd have no one left to impress if you actually did that, though. That's why you haven't.
  39. Yet.
  40. If your character happens to carry around extra voices in their head, a familiar, or that intelligent talking katana mentioned before, remember that they can all cast spells at the exact same time you do. Now that's badass.
  41. Always carry a staff even though you have a katana. This is so you can wave it about and throw people magically with it.
  42. If your character has an element, they have absolute and utter control over it and can make it do anything they want whatsoever. Despite this, all you really need is that originally-named energy blast, though.
  43. Do variations of the energy blast that involve different ways of charging, like touching to fingers to your forehead or making a triangle with your hands.
  44. These are always just straightforward outpourings of godlike amounts of power, however.
  45. When casting spells that only take a thought, do chanting anyway, from a huge book written in Latin. It makes you look badass
  46. The book is, of course, indestructible. It's written in Latin, after all.
  47. Any "spell book" you do carry must be golden, and jewel encrusted.
  48. Or an ancient looking leather-bound text, because if it's ancient it must be powerful.
  49. Your father/mother taught you all the magic you know, by the way. That was before their untimely demise which drove you to searching for greater magic. Of course, you'll never find any as great as what you've already got.
  50. If your father/mother are still alive, though, they are evil and only trained you to use you as a weapon because you're that powerful.
  51. Even if you are not evil yourself, your magic is still dark. Any non-black magic just isn't cool enough to be used.
  52. But even though you only use dark magic, you can still use any elemental magic you want, because you're just that badass
  53. You feel all angsty about using your evil powers, too. Nothing beats a good angst-ridden guy wielding evil magic. The sheer coolness of it should make every opponent automatically surrender.
  54. All your chantings and spell names must revolve around something dark and boding, even when spoken in Latin it sounds evil
  55. Occisor is the coolest title ever created for any magic-user.
  56. If not Occisor, then Kaiser.
  57. No matter how many spells you've cast or energy blasts you've thrown, no matter how tired you may feel from doing so, there is always that last bit of power left to cast one more thing that is even more powerful than the last attack you made with your "last" bit of energy.
  58. In truth, you never become tired or lose energy when casting spells or using energy blasts, but you only make it appear like you do to appear badass.
  59. Even if your opponent somehow manages to get an attack through your all-absorbing aura of awesome badassery +25, it only manages to singe your clothing or cause minorscrapes and bruises. You're too powerful for anything else
  60. If the wound is somehow deeper or more serious, you are still able to function perfectly despite it.
  61. Of course, anyone who manages to get an attack past your ability to absorb anything must be cheezing, so finish them off with a kemeha...er, original energy blast move that takes fiftteen posts of chanting, wailing, constipated moaning.
  62. If they survive that, refer back to Rule 13.
  63. Despite having a katana, Masamune or Murasame, you never use it because if you did you would appear less badass in battle.
  64. Unless you're focusing your magic through it, which of course makes it twice as universally-destroyingly strong.
  65. But you'd never need to focus your power through your sword because you carry a staff that makes it quadruple its power to destroy the universe
  66. Should your opponent summon any minions or creatures, never fear. You have the power to make them evaporate with but a blink.
  67. Or, you could twitch your nose seductively and turn them to your side.
  68. Always bear in mind that your kameh...originally-named blast of raw badass power...is always enough to not only cancel out any attack your opponent makes, but to consume it utterly and keep on going.
  69. If your kameh..er, originally-named attack is ineffective, then it is because your opponent is cheezing, and you must resort to a spirit bomb, which is just badass
  70. It's not okay for non-dark magic users to know dark magic, because they're wusses; it is okay, however, for dark magic users to know non-dark magic, because they're just too badass for words.
  71. Always wear ancient black robes with cryptic runes and symbols. Avoid anything with color like the plague.
  72. Unless of course, you're a magical ninja. Then your ninja outfit will do.
  73. Mind control is the Best. Idea. EVAR. Use it anytime you can. No one else uses it, so it must be original.
  74. If you're a ninja, you're a badass ninja-pirate-samurai-mage of doom.
  75. Status effects and soul stealing is original. Use it often.
  76. As are instant death spells.
  77. ...which are never used, because you're so badass you don't need them.
  78. In actuality, ALL your spells are instant death spells. The other guy just cheezes.
  79. Should your opponent have instant death spells, it's okay for you to survive. After all, you're not the cheezer here.
  80. You are the badass. THE badass.
  81. No one but you can know instant death spells. Anyone else who says they do are just lying.
  82. Counterspelling is incredibly easy, requiring but a flicker of your eyes.
  83. Anyone who tries to use rule 81 against you is just jealous of your utter badassness.
  84. It actually, counterspells only require a thought, but you flick your eyes to impress female NPC's
  85. All that teleporting you've been doing for the past 56 rules is even more badass if it winds up with you exploding out of your opponent's chest.
  86. Seek inspiration from the Alien series in reference to Rule 85
  87. Except you're not slimy. You're a chick magnet.
  88. In reference to Rule 84, you don't need to impress female NPC's. They're all over you to begin with.
  89. Just like real life. Only slightly more badass.
  90. Reference Rule 92 of the Char/Faction/RPG Cliche list.
  91. Save your character's voice for those times it is needed for your chanting/wailing/graoning/screaming attack power-ups and name declarations. Don't say anything else at all.
  92. Chicks dig the silent type, especially if you also happen to be anti-social, mysterious and evil. That combination is pure gold.
  93. Your voice, should you talk, is always deep, melodic and scratchy.
  94. Because the Barry White voice is an instant turn-on.
  95. However, when declaring the names of your attacks, your voice is as the very thunder of the gods. That phrase is the best ever for describing it. Use it every time.
  96. The speed of light is never fast enough.
  97. Charging up causes earthquakes. Use these against your opponent effectively to bury him.
  98. In reference to Rule 96, you must resort to Ludicrous Speed
  99. Plaid is cool.
  100. The effects of relativity are too complicated, so it's okay to omit them. Besides, who's going to notice the lack of "time dilation"?
  101. Besides, you control time anyway.
  102. E = mc^2 is actually a recipe for apple pie.
  103. Einstein never could make good pies, anyway.
  104. This is why simply dodging everything is perfectly okay, due to your badass magical speed of light-exceeding powers. Everything you don't just simply absorb, that is.
  105. If your magic is elemental voice make sure you include such names as storm, force, quake, thunder, lightning.
  106. In fact, a combination of those words would be even better. Such as Thunder Earth Shaker. Because not only does it sound badass, but it combined elements
  107. Combining elements is a must. Only a wuss uses one elemental spells
  108. If you're a swordsman. You must have a minimum of five spells that are imbued into your word.
  109. If the spell involves wind it must either involve cutting or moving really fast.
  110. If your spell is really powerful make sure to involve a number of bodily hints I.E. glowing eyes.
  111. If you're using thunder, wear some kind of weird hat, and have your eyes turn blue every so often. Who cares if someone says you're ripping off Raiden? They just weren't cool enough to think of it first
  112. Never use water and always use fire. It has been proven that fire is so much better than water. Water just moves, fire burns stuff. Which is more badass?
  113. If you happen to be using a fire attack, you cannot simply pinpoint the attack. All things which can be burned in the vicinity must be burnt and blown up. Everything is so much more badass if something blows up
  114. This also goes for thunder/lighting. Your attack must rain down from the heavens in all directions.
  115. In fact, you must never use simple attacks like a fireball or thunderbolt, those are lame. Your attacks absolutely must be massive and enough to level a city
  116. Never use the word sky when describing an attack. Heavens is so much more badass and shows divine force.
  117. Use a least one of the following words in every light attack: heavenly, bright, light, flash, blinding, angelic, seraphic, and finally, God.
  118. In fact, you are descended from gods.
  119. And, you were sent here to pass divine judgement onto the vile.
  120. If not, you became crazed by your powers and wish to destroy everyone
  121. There is no neutral. You must either use good or bad magic
  122. Ultima is your friend. Don't question the green ball of light, or it'll consume your soul. Then again, you ARE immortal.
  123. Using cards in battle is a must. Not only does it make you look more ninja-like, but flaming cards are a real chick turn-on
  124. Use of the phrase "I choose you!" when summoning minions is totally original.
  125. Magic Missile + Darkness = Badass.
  126. Ash is a great name for any character
  127. In fact, keep those minions locked away in tiny, spherical objects. It looks badass having a couple of those hang from your belt.
  128. We know the last rule was actually 127. Shut up.
  129. Wearing a robe is a must. Just in case the ladies come by at the tavern, one swift pull of your rope and it all comes out to make the impression, because you're so badass.
  130. If you don't have a robe and rope for a belt, then a fading trenchcoat would do otherwise.
  131. When challenging an opponent, it is appropriate to yell "It's time to duel!" before throwing your ninja-cards about.
  132. We mean "time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel," of course.
  133. What better way in casting magic than to do it with Kirbies. And ninjas. NINJA KIRBIES.
  134. And don't forget bears that shoot lasers out of their eyes. That would be so frickin' AWESOME!
  135. Charging for a spell is unnecessary. Your 97 Faith level and innate non-charge is all but enough to wipe your enemies clean off of their asses.
  136. But even though you don't need to charge up, you still do, because to women love the constipating moaning/screaming that takes fifteen posts to accomplish.
  137. When charging up a spell, its always helpful to take out your cell-phone to check out your reception. "Can you hear me now?" is so badass.
  138. Beam swords are the perfect accessory for psionic mages. Note I said "beam swords," not "lightsabers." That makes all the difference in the world.
  139. Beam swords with extendable length are also a must. It just makes you look badass.
  140. Double-beam swords are just the epitome of badassery.
  141. Instead of chanting the spell, recite the lyrics of your favorite band to escalate the power levels of emo-ness, because you're badass.
  142. In fact, you should have a double-edged beam sword with extendable length to get your opponends from both ends.
  143. Adding the word "homing" to every magical attack means the other guy can't avoid them at all without cheezing. Complain loudly if they do.
  144. However, with your pimped-out MDef and MEvade, you can dodge the very same "homing" spells your opponent directs at you, and you wouldn't be cheezing.
  145. If you can't use magic, which you can, then you use technology, and fight using a sophisicated suit with uber-powers that pwn anything you take on.
  146. If your opponent somehow failed to grasp the pure genius of your last attack and responded inappropriately, HALT THE DUEL INSTANTLY! Do not keep fighting, but instead argue the point for as long as need be!
  147. If you use a suit, give it cool names like Spartan or Echo. It just makes you sound badass... >_> <_<
  148. If you plan to be a wizard, have a scar resembling a thunderbolt on your forehead, shoddy glasses, and a bad hairstyle. It is neede3d, because you're so badass.
  149. Also, said suit has technological countermeasures for all forms of magic, since tech always comes around much later than magic in any universe, so it can be prepared for it.
  150. By casting a spell, you're obligated to yell it out in bold and italics, with a lisp. And a wild broom nudging beside you.
  151. You can cast spells at your enemies with a shitload of damage, but when it comes them to attack you with spells, they are voided and ignored because you're such a badass.
  152. If your enemy absorbs any of your magic (which they cna't, because yours is too badass for absorbption), you always retain control over it and can make it rip them apart from the inside at will.
  153. Every spell cast, missile launched, laser cannon fired or projectile weapon fired must cause an explosion. Anything less isn't badass
  154. When rendering your explosions, remeber that doing anything to the surrounding environemnt uses no energy or effort whatsoever. Feel free to obliterate the planet without breaking a sweat. it's not cheeze so long as it doesn't directly hurt the other guy.
  155. You have infinite mana. ALWAYS. The laws of limitations and nature does not affect you in any way possible.
  156. You must describe the energy you use to fuel your magic as mana, MP, or channelling. They are badass.
  157. Counting is for losers. You know all the math you'll ever need to know. It doesn't matter how many spells you opponent casts. You can negate them all with one multi-purpose negation of nose-twitching
  158. When chanting magic, any disruptions around are voided and ignored, because they can't fathom or comprehend the awesomeness of your mumbling.
  159. Refer to Gandolf from LotR.
  160. Screw that, the kid with the Nintendo Glove from Wizard.
  161. Gods fear you. Be sure to clarify this at least three times per battle.
  162. Talk about your god slaying sword for at least three posts before acknowledging your opponent.
  163. When using magic, make sure the first 9/10ths or so of your five-post-long attack is purely description. The actual attack should only take a line, maybe two.
  164. Unless you prfer to just skip all that and just post the line or two. That's all that's important, really.
  165. Never do physical attacks, only magical. And if your opponent says he's a foot away from you, he's lying. He's actually seventy feet away from you.
  166. And even if you're forced to do physical attacks, don't worry. You're still a master swordsman.
  167. Your parents, who taught you all the magic you know, which is all you'll ever need to know 'cause it's the best, also taught you to be a master swordsman, which you already were before they taught you, because you're just that badass
  168. Even though you're a mage wearing a baggy robe, you have bulging muscles and buns of steel which make you irresistible to babes.
  169. You also have balls of steel, and are looking for a woman with lips of magnitism
  170. Eventhough you have a dark mysterious past for a mage, you'll so often turn into a chibi persona of yourself and jump around being all kawaii, because you're so badass.
  171. You use your dark magic to steal souls and place them in dolls to battle your opponents.
  172. Screw the elements. Any magic you cast = insta-pwn. Causation = Correlation.
  173. Time travel is the other Best. Idea. EVAR. What could possibly be more badass than killing your opponents right as they're born/hatched/created/built/discovered underneath a rock/etc.?
  174. Of course, you wouldn't use time travel because you still want to show your opponent how badass you are by letting him live to fight you then killing him.